The ways in which we love, and why we are set up to fail

I have been thinking about writing this for some time but haven’t had the words or the language suitable to try and explain what goes on in my head when it comes to talking about love.

It is complicated thing, to love someone and to be loved in return, or so we are led to believe. I really don’t think it has to be complicated, not in the slightest.

In my understanding, limited as it is, loving someone is the most wonderfully painful thing you can experience. It isn’t complicated at all.

You are going about your business minding your own and….

BOOM – LEVEL UP –  Life as you knew it……..CHANGED…….FOREVER

This person that was a stranger to you, now becomes the one you want to talk to all the time, spend all your time with, make sure you do all the shit that makes you feel good so you can help them to feel better and do fun stuff with them, like ride all the rides at Thorpe Park or sit and talk to them while they take a bath, and bring you dinner because you have worked a long day and they were thinking about you. It is a whole lot of fucked up really. And that is just the person you choose, or in fact the universe chooses for you.

What about the other ways we can love?

Well, in my humble opinion there are lots of different ways to feel love and be loved and all of them are brilliant and I am going to try and put it into words;

  1. FAMILY – The people that raise you and give you a start in life. They are the ingredients to what make you who you are. Most people feel strong bonds of loyalty to their blood relations and stay close, others keep their distance but feel the connection all the same
  2. FRIENDS – The fellow weirdos we find along the way that speak the same language, dance like us, like the same things, laugh at your jokes – you know, the family we choose. Personally I feel a deeper connection to these guys than my actual family
  3. WORK COLLEAGUES / CUSTOMERS / CLIENTS – Believe it or not, you love these people too. You spend a lot of your day with these people, are working towards a common goal, are in close proximity to them and get along because you have things in common
  4. ANIMALS – I don’t really need to explain this one do I
  5. OBJECTS – We all have little things that we treasure and use to make our lives just that little bit more special. Don’t be afraid to show off your quirks and things that make you unique, after all, these are the reasons people love you.
  6. CELEBRITIES – This one I think is shallower, because you are very unlikely to ever meet these people yet they take up a vast majority of your time and the concept of having all that they do, or being who they are is more what you are attaching to rather than them in person.

I am no expert!

Openly and honestly, I am pretty bad at relationships. I find them over whelming and scary. Expectations that people have for me and from me are just unfathomable sometimes. It is as though we speak entirely different languages but totally understand one another at the same time so it is frustrating for all that are involved. Some people love you by somothering you in cuddles, kisses and give you all their time. Others want to help fix and solve problems. And there are million other ways that I just can’t think of because it makes my brain want to explode.

This brings me back to the title of my blog; The ways in which we love and why we are set up to fail. None of these ways is better than the other, or more right than any other because it is the way that YOU do it. I hate that we feel the need to chase this unbelievable belief that there is one person that is born to complete us and we must search our lives to find them and without them we will never be whole, and that the way we feel is the same as the next person.

This is why we are set up to fail. You only need to watch a Disney Princess film to see this being hammered into the brains of our young ones.

I am on a journey of self discovery and my eyes are being opened almost on a daily basis to the huge potential to just be happy with who you are and welcome all that come into your life with open arms and acceptance that they are different to you. No one has walked the same path, in the same shoes as you and this is something you should be proud of. I know that I am walking along my path and it is being intersected all the time and there are a lot of people that are walking along beside me right now, but they may drift off to form their own and then come back to join me in a little while, but it doesn’t make either of us love each other less. We have walked together for a while, some might take a few steps and then you wont see them again, others will be there for the long haul. Each one of them make the journey much more beautiful and memorable and it really isn’t complicated to let people walk along beside you sharing the journey together.

Love is awesome, it feels great to both give and receive it.

Let’s try not to judge the way people do things and get them to only see it from your view, why not try it from theirs, or even better, find a way to see it together that is beautiful for all that are involved.


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