I want to tell you a story, about a clumsy oaf that I have come to adore.
First thing in the morning I wake up and open my eyes and check that I can see, always a bit of a bonus. Then as I reach over to turn off the alarm, knocking everything over on the bedside table, I giggle to myself thinking this is going to be the best day.
I stumble out of bed, because just getting out gracefully is not possible with legs all the way up to here and a back that is as stiff as a board first thing in the morning. My aim is to walk to the bathroom but instead crash into the side of the bed smashing my shin and promptly ending up back on the bed where I started. Try again. I get out the other side this time so there is less chance that I can smash my legs, but I catch my foot in the cover and end up falling arse over tit into the bathroom and lay on the floor laughing for a moment because it is just too silly.
Anyway, the next hour goes by without too much to report and I have managed to drive to work perfectly well and got myself on to the premises without making too much of a scene. Saying Hi to everyone on the floor and strutting across the gym to get to the kitchen I try to avoid a bench and as I go round it I trip and fell over the perfectly flat floor, managing to style it out with some kind of forward roll flip kind of combo and somehow end up on my feet in the kitchen. Honestly, it is remarkable I have managed to make it to 34.
Make a coffee, one of the team carries it over to the desk for me because it is just to risky for me to carry my own mug. I would like to point out that it still hasn’t even got to 9 am yet.
This is pretty much how each and every day starts, in some form or another. No one is even surprised anymore when I am on the floor in a random position. The stupid thing is, the harder I try to stay upright, the more spectacularly fall.
On one of my ultra races, the IOW one I think it was. I am in great mood, the sun is shining, I have just left the 25 km check point after filling up my water and getting some delicious snacks I head off up this hill to meet the path. Decide to make a FB live to check in with the folks at home and let them know I am doing ok and loving life. Put my phone away and climb over the style in front of me CRASH nope. Miss the step, fall head first into the bush, legs in the air, head bangs into the post on the other side. Takes me a minute or 2 to pull myself out, stand up, straighten up my rucksack that is somehow still attached and carry on along the path belly laughing at myself for managing to fall over nothing AGAIN. If anyone saw my nose dive into the bush, it would have kept them giggling all day, of that I am sure.
If ever you need a laugh or want to feel better, just come and send an hour with me, something is bound to happen. Falling over, banging into something, dropping things, anything you can imagine. I am that clumsy oaf, the friend that you need to keep an eye on when walking down the street because you might miss the comedy that is my life if you look away.
I hope this made you smile, it certainly brings one to my face.
Go forth you straight walking upright people and have an awesome unclumsy day.